Feelings

laura December 29th, 2011

I am writting tonight with all kinds of crazy thoughts in my head, I have not felt good for so long, i am worried i might not ever feel good again, I know my mom is worried about stuff, and that makes me crazy i feel like i have let her down again she says i have never but, please everyone lets everyone down, weither they mean to do it or not

I had a job but, now i am not sure i still have one, big meeting on the 2nd of january to find out if it still there, i sure hope so, that would take a lot of worry and things off my mind, i am still recovering from a fracture in my back, i never knew it could hurt so bad, i am not taking any more strong meds, i am only taking an over the counter med now, i did not want to become addited to the pain meds, although i am thinking i may have stopped to soon, i can’t hear out of one of my ears, not 100 percent sure what is causing that

I am worried about bills and worried about mom she get sad when she starts worrying and it makes me sad as well, we have worked for a long time to get past several issues in life and i am happy to say we are doing great, i think of my mom as my best freind

signing off for now blessings to all

Laura

Posted in December, 2011 No Comments »

3 Years ago today

laura December 18th, 2011

 

I met Pam in 1974, I can tell you that first year of knowing her I wasn’t sure if we would ever really be friends, we were a lot alike maybe too much alike, but by 1975 we were best freinds a freindship that would last forever, did we ever get mad at each other oh you bet we did, at the time of her death we had spoken via instant message on the computer, we had agreeded to talk each other on the 20th, you see we had a disagreement a year or so eailer and we both had let it get out of hand, and we just had not spoken on the phone in that time, i could tell you about some fights we have had though the years but, we never let go for very long, this last one i guess when two stubon people fight you never know what could happen doesn’t mean either of us stoped caring about other, things happen in life

On December 18, 2008 i got a phone call telling me that Pam had gone, i was beyond sad i was in disbelive, i was thinking why is she playing a game like this i still sometimes she is going to call on the phone saying i am still here it was just a joke, even though i know it is real and she is gone, it is just so hard to beleive that someone so full of life is gone.

Rest Easy Pam, I will miss you forever, Best Friends always

Posted in December, 2011 No Comments »

Feeling Sad

laura December 13th, 2011

As I come to post this message, i am feeling very sad and unhappy at this moment, not sure what is going on with my job or weither or not i still have one, way to long of a story to go into this, i have a back injury that just hurts it is really driving me crazy i don’t think there are enough pain pills in the world, i have always said i can take pain anywhere in my body except my head, well this crack in my back is really painful, my ear is blocked having a really hard time hearing anything, i keep saying i am going to update this site and everytime something happens that seems to keep me from being here, all i can say is i will try harder i am thinking about doing one page at a time now, it feels like i am such a baby right now with all the hard talk about myself well will sign off for now and try to get some work done on this site

God Bless and thanks  for visiting

Laura

Posted in December, 2011 No Comments »

Lots of stuff to talk about

laura November 3rd, 2011

I was thinking how much I miss my best freind, there has been so much going on over the past 2 weeks that i would love to share with her, It has been nearly 3 years since she has left for heaven, i keep thinking she is going to call me and say it was all a joke i am still here…..

i started a new job on the 24th of october, i am really nervous about it, but i am going to keep on going and fighting to do my very best at it, the class takes a final in the morning, we have to pass the test in order to go forward with the job, I am very scared that i will not pass, but at the same time i am thinking i got this lots of demons around me when i take tests

i am going to be doing lots of updates and a little bit of changes at the website, i keep thinking i can get this all done and updated quickly but, no such luck it will happen, I am still working on my mom’s old laptop, my big computer will be going to get repaired soon, a gift i am going to be giving myself, by the time i get it back (hopefully) i will have a new flat screen monitor something i have been wanting for a long time, I have removed the weight loss area, i will just update on the main blog page, I am down to belo 250 pounds and my new pants are 2 sizes smaller than what i have been wearing as a matter of fact i am going to be going though all my clothes and getting rid well donating the ones that no longer fit me, since i am working i can slowly add clothing to my closet i wear a uniform of sorts to work in and that will keep my regular clothes nice, i really was not sure how i was going to like the polo shirts but, they really do not look all that bad go figure

well i guess i am done talking for now, but will try to be here more often i have let several things go for so long that i have a hard time getting used to them again, it will all get figured out soon

Thanks for reading and God Bless

 

 

Posted in November 2011 No Comments »

Oct 1, 2011

laura October 1st, 2011

Another month has started, and another chance to get it started right, I have tried so many times to get started on everything that i want to get done, and keep getting sidetracked with life, going to try even harder this month to get everything started I have done many things that i started out to do this year and many of them are completed i am overjoyed at that, weight loss, well i am not gaining anything but not losing right now either, something i really need to get back on track with since in june i really want to do something that weight plays a very large factor in, I have a hard time deciding that i am worth anything but, have not given up yet on doing everything that i want to do and a few things that no one even knows that i have an interest in…..

I just finsihed writting my story of abuse and rape and the can you be healed page I can tell you that was hard and i just typed until i was done, i did not go back and read what i wrote or correct any spelling errors, i have found that when i tell that part of my life if i go back and try to fix anything that i always want to take it away, I always feel like i am going to hurt someone when they read it, but you know it was me who had to deal with the pain and suffering of keeping secrets and eating to stop the pain, my only hope in telling my story is to help someone who thinks abuse is there fault.

Even though i beleived for years that i was the bad one and deserved the abused i received i wasn’t at fault, repeat it was never my fault and no matter what i think when the darkness overwhelms me it will never be my fault

Thank you for stoping by and May you day be blessed

Laura

Posted in October 2011 No Comments »

September 18, 2011

laura September 18th, 2011

I was setting here trying to decide to enter a section of my page called childhood abuse, i am awake and feeling kinda depressed and not making much sense, so i did enter my abuse story, I have not done the rape or can you heal page yet, but it will be coming and will be entered by the end of the week, I think once i get these two pages done the rest of the site will come more freely and eaiser, talking about abuse is never easy and always brings up  all kinds of fears and trama of the past, i keep telling myself that everytime i talk about it a little bit more healing comes my way, I sure hope so

Thank you for reading and may you day be blessed

Laura

Posted in September 2011, Undefined No Comments »

Sept 15, 2011 – Post 2

laura September 15th, 2011

I was scrolling down looking at the page, making sure i had no typing errors, yeah right, i can’t spell when something caught my eye (Bubba Johnny) too funny, for those that don’t know my website is part of my brothers site, can you guess his name, its Johnny i just had to comment on it,

Please check out his sites he has some really good stores to shop at, links are under my favorites, and also he has some adds on the side bar check them out, I am sure you will find something usefull and you will help him at the same time

thanks again for reading, this time really heading to bed

Blessing to all

Laura

Posted in September 2011 No Comments »

Sept 15, 2011

laura September 15th, 2011

Have had a strange day, well i guess it was yesterday since it is after 1:30 am, went to ER cause i have been having some issues with my stomach, turns out it is my IBS acting up brought on by stress, well guess i have got to take care of that issue, yeah if only we could all get rid of the stress in our lives,

One thing i am sad about I drove by the church i have attended for many years, The pastors name was painted out, the new pastor is changing everything i knew it was coming the moment that he was made the new pastor just didn’t know i would be leaving the church, it was very sad to see it, I like the new pastor and his family but, it is just not right the way it happened should have never gone down like that, i am having a lot of trouble adjusting to finding a new church although i am very happy with the one that i have attended in the past few weeks, love the music service and the sermons have been great plus i get to see my old pastor (no he doesn’t preach) and i get to see the man i call Daddy Vic, he is not my dad but, he is close enough, My dad passed away several years ago, and Vic i talk to about a number of things, i don’t think he is going to stir me wrong when it comes to the things i ask him about

the news is always full of stories about men raping young girls and they get away with it because the girls are afraid to tell what happened to them, I understand being afraid, i never told because i was afraid as well but, if the men are already in jail, the girls or boys should have the support of there families to help them though or at least someone appointed by the court to help them cope with saying what happened, i don’t know the world is out of control sometimes

I am going to sign off and try to get some sleep,

Blessing to all

Laura

Posted in September 2011 No Comments »

New Theme

laura September 13th, 2011

Decided it was time to change things up a bit, That old dark tree was starting to make me more depressed than I really am. have a few things to change around and correct with what information shows up then i will be back to posting

Blessing and Hugs to all

Laura

Posted in September 2011 No Comments »

Dumba**

laura August 26th, 2011

Yep that is what i am, about 2 weeks ago, i was walking up the steps to church, they are pretty steep but, did not really seem like an issue well, I am one that likes to test gravity a really lot, well something did not work on that day because my knees came in contact with the concrete and it really hurt, I am not a wuss or anything but, man that is some hard stuff the concrete well i was finally starting to fell a bit better, meaning my knees were starting to heal up, they were pretty scraped up, well i was doing pretty good until last night….

I had been in the house working on a project (that i did complete) i went outside with mom to do a few things fill up bird feeders and hummingbird feeders and adding some more water to mom’s bed she has had the waterbed since the 70′s, I really love those beds and wish i still had mine, well anyway mom had gone in and i was going to turn the water off and walked around the house to come back up on the deck, I was doing just fine after all I have been able to walk for some time, well i was wrong, I did not see the nail that was sticking up on the deck and i triped over it, went down hard on the deck hitting one of my knees, reinjuring the worse one from the last fall, elbow has a nice look to it with running scraps, hit side of my face too, tweeted my glasses but did not break them so hopefully i can get them adjusted,

My christmas wish list this year includes Knee Pads, Elbow Pads, and huge amounts of bubble wrap

Hugs to all and blessings

Posted in August 2011 No Comments »

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