Rape
October 1, 1975
A little girl ME, was raped by a teacher. Lets go back to the events leading up to this date……
Sept, 1974 was the first day of 7th grade, A new school, a very scared me, the first class of the day homeroom it lasted about 10 or 15 minutes, then we had to hurry and get to our first class in 5 minutes, kinda hard when your homeroom class is in the front of the school and your 1st period class is way in the back, no i did not make it in the five minutes, but i did make it by 7 minutes well that class is where my first experience with this teacher was to take place, he proceeded to tell me (even though there were at least 10 children late that first day) i was so fat that i needed to be in another class because if i was late again he would fail me without question, I was already scared already what was i going to say to my parents if i failed my very first class and worse was kicked out because i was fat, From the moment we met, this man did not like me, i tried that first day to tell my parents that he did not like me, my dad just said what he usually did you best better pay attention and not fail the class my mom was a little better saying maybe it was just because it was the first day tomorrow will be better, well it wasn’t neither was the rest of the week, the second day of class we were treated to a film, now this was math class so i was very surprised it was a film that featured a very famous Duck, it showed him trying to figure out math and went inside his brain to a cluttered space with everything a mess, this teacher on the second day of school, was telling me that was what it must look like inside my head that i was too stupid to learn math, at this point in time i was in tears he could see it and the other kids in the class were laughing well, i did not blame them it was the teacher at fault but, i felt very dumb and very stupid and it was only the second day, I must be dumb and stupid because, I heard already been hearing this at home from another man that was suppose to be teaching me about life, something shut down inside of me, I no longer cared if i learned anything in this class, I did try a couple of more times in the first week to get someone to believe that this man hated me with a Passion, although i did not know why, it couldn’t have been because i was late to class because that only happened the first day, i was never late to that class again even if it meant my fat body had to run,
That whole semester, day in and day out i put up with him calling me names and saying i would never be anything i must be a big disappointment to my parents well i already thought i was so his words were just adding more hurt upon hurt, i hard as i tried not to let him see my cry, it just did not help he kept on saying horrible things to me, but i finally could listen without crying (it took about a month) all the other kids in class would laugh and carry on like they were suppose to follow him, After another attempt to get my parents to help me with this man, i just gave up, i never said anything about this teacher when my mom would ask about him i only said it was fine nothing more i had to lie about it, because i truly thought i deserved this treatment but did not know why.
Finally that first 6 weeks were over, i kept my head down and did the work i was told to do, and with everything i had been going though because of him he failed me, a big fat F on my report card, was my parents mad the only thing i could say in my defense was the teacher hated me, but because i had failed another class neither one of my parents believed me, oh the other class was PE, now honestly how do you fail PE you are fat kid and told to run and do the stuff the skinney do, well guess what it did not work, even the pe teacher laughed at me when i ran and tried to play volleyball, you see at that time in my life i was very clumsy i fell a lot and i fell several times playing volleyball, laughing all around so you see again i really felt that i deserved to be laughed at because i was so unworthly to be alive,
the whole semester went by, my final grade for math class a big fat F, the rest of my classes i passed just fine, well with the exception of PE but at least i passed, the following semester who did i get for math 2 this same teacher, oh no i thought not again, i really tried to fight but, you know a 12 year old fighting again growups in the 70′s was just not heard of, the insults got a whole lot worse, i did not even try to pass the class i just did not care, of course when i would take my report card home i would always fail his class looking back on it now wouldn’t you think someone might have listened to me saying he hated me
June, 1975 – the first year of JR. high was over thank goodness, a whole summer off, but no not for me since i had failed math i was told i had to do summer school, oh well no big deal right 4 hours a day and a different teacher i had a chance, oh my God in heaven would you believe that he was the teacher for summer school, I was never going to get away from him, he sure enjoyed his summer school he make fun of me and said horrible things and there was nothing i could do about no one beleived me. I did pass the class though, i got a D- but i passed
September, 1975 starting of 8th grade I had my class schedule math of course was listed but it had a different teacher listed, i can not tell you how happy i was to see it, sadly when i got to class, it was him, he showed that damm cartoon again, and again it was how stupid i was, from somewhere inside of me i screamed at him saying why do you have to pick on me and get the other laughing at me, well you know what i got for standing up for myself, 2 weeks dentintion at least he was not the teacher there, we had to write a 500 word paper on why we were in dention, i wrote the truth i was told that if i did not become more a good person that i would be sent to special school where the trouble makers go, now why would i only be trouble maker in this class i was getting good grades in other classes but for some reason this teacher make it possible for all the school to beleive that i was bad, but i did not care that couple weeks in september went by fast,
October 1 – A day that I can not ever forget it was raining, Dad becasue of his job was home it is hard to work construction in the pouring rain, I had a really bad stomach ache (i would find out why later) but, i told mom that i wanted to school why i will never know, i had liked school up to start of Jr. High, my first class of the day was the dreded math class so off i went i had actually gotten pretty good at walking really fast to make classes, got to class set in my 5th seat from from the front, as usual he was making fun of what i was wearing that day, you know for the life of me i can not remember what i was wearing that day, and to this day i don’t remember, but it really doesn’t matter. he was doing a review due the fact that the next day we were having a test, He told me in front of the whole class that he wanted to see me after class, I had no idea why, well after class he told me to come up to the desk he got up and was walking around the room and talking at the same time, i did not notice that what he was doing was locking the doors of the class room, he was saying he usual nasty horrible insults to me, but this time when he came back to the desk the hair on the back of my neck was standing on end, i just felt like i needed to get out of there, and when i tried the door were locked, he started laughing and saying stuff i had only heard from dad, this teacher hit me i have never been hit so hard in my life, so hard that i fell down to the ground but i was not passed out, i could tell that my nose was bleeding and maybe my mouth since i tasted blood as well, what he did next well i will spare the details, at some point i did pass out, i remember waking up to his laughing, god i hated him so much i was laying there on the floor of that class room naked, bleeding and hurting badly, when i was able to get up i gather my clothes and got them on, and went to the door and they opened this time, i went to the girls bathroom, several other kids seen me but, they never said anything they just looked at me, i was trying to get my nose to stop bleeding there was a girl that asked me if i was ok, i told her no, the bell was ringing but, i dont’ know for sure if it was that recess was over or if it was the next class, i don’t know how long i was on that floor, the girl that i had asked me i was ok had a blue vest on meaning that she was only only a 9th grade senior but, a class mointor she said come on we are going to the nurse, well i went but, she never asked me what was going on just if i wanted to call my mom, i said no to this day the only reason i think i said no is because dad was home and i wasn’t sure if anyone would beleive me so i just wanted to forget it, but i stayed in the nurses office all the rest of the day, so i was there though several classes, I thought i had forgotten my book bag and wanted to go and get it, i would be in so much trouble if i lost my stuff, but i had everything with me, my stomach was still very upset, when 3:00 came i walked what seemed forever to get home, i just went to my room like i always did, the only thing i said to mom was i fell at school of course i lied, I had been lying for several years about all kinds of abuse i was good at it, i did tell her though that i had a really bad stomach ache, later that night i notice that there was blood in my underpants guess what i thought i was really hurt but, still i could tell no one what had happened
The next day Thursday still had the blood but i couldn’t tell i can tell you i was scared i was crying but i was doing all in silence no one could know it was another secret that i as the bad girl had to carry, My math class that day was just as expected horrible we did have the test, i failed it of course although my scorce was 91 i still had a big F written on the paper he said the grade was on the curve and that everyone else had gotten 100 so i failed, he still made me cry that day and the rest of the school year every time i was in his class it was an experince that i can only guess that is what Hell would be like,
In my 9th grade year and final year of Jr High he was my math teacher both semesters and again made my life a living HELL, but i could tell no one, i had became a very sad person, and depression had mostly taken over my life.
But i was the bad one right……